I am tired with my resilience, persistent, to stay in relationship with a person who is not even caring about me. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. Imagine if I get married all the time will be me being left alone for days or weeks because I do mistakes. I am afraid and tired thinking about how I could survive during these days. All i think to relax my mind is I deserve this to be punished. I did not cry today and it makes me so relax since I don't have to control what I can't control. Every time I panick I remind myself, it is fine, you are fine right now. I am the one who always beg to not leave me. I am really tired. Every argument makes him not mood talk and I would be the one who always suffer. I am really tired:) My mind now just accept the fact that I will be treated like that no matter how good I am. Hehe.
Usually I have the urge to have to spend time with him and now it is what it is. Letting go the control makes me more relax and enjoy. I am still sad. But I told myself "I did desrve this" in fact I am just tired getting this treatment over and over even for the smallest arguments. I can't change somebody and if he does not care about my feeling he won't. That is the message I get. No crying in front of him, no say whay you don't like or you will be called "complainer", no asking why dont reply my text or he would say "I have a life". Yes, I am tired of being disrespected.
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