Day 41- Leaving me again?

I am not feeling okay. I wake up pretty early at 12 am. I slept around 10pm. It was hard to fall asleep. I let my emotion take control of me. I supposed not to let my emotion control me over this. I am trying so hard to not let me fall to my emotional urge. I still fall for this. Every time I promise my self to not text and beg I end up failing. Anyone know how to stop fighting? I am thinking if he does not fight who fight in this relationship. It is brutally hard to accept that I can't control people's reaction. He does not care. Repeat after me. How many times I need to remind you, you are never enough for him. Every little inconvenience he always hang up on you, block on you, and you the one who desperate for life. Aren't you tired?

Let me hear you that you already being vulnerable. I let you being vulnerable for one day. That is. I would not forgive you if you text him no matter what happen. you gotta be strong okay.