I love my boyfriend but I know I have unhealthy attachment where I constantly need to call and talk with him. I get anxious but it feels lesser than the last time. I don't want to develop this unhealthy habit because I know what to do. I am a grown up woman who has master's degree but yet I am not emotionally mature enough to have relationship. I really want to fix myself and have love for myself. I don't want to rely my happiness on my boyfriend. I need to develop a habit where I can stay away from phone and not thinking about him. He has his own life. I want to prove that I can be better and yes I am capable of changing. I don't want to stuck with my bad habit that I know it only brings negativity for myself. I need to realize that HE IS NOT MY GOAL. I HAVE MY OWN GOAL. I NEED TO BE COMFORTABLE BEING WITH MYSELF.
Today, I make a little progress. I went out with one of my coworker to eat Kebab. We talked so much about how she became soldier and dropped her school. It was nice when I can function normally when I have something to do. It was the first time I went out with people and it is so beautiful. I just feel so happy that I have friend.
My mind will not focus on him 24/7. I actually don't miss him. I just want to validation. I just want to feel not abandon. I just want him to miss me but he doesn't lol. I know this unhealthy feeling from my inner wound where I constantly seek validation because I was not pretty enough. I really need to work on that. I think I have been progressing at least 15% but it is not enough I need at least 45% so I can focus on myself.
He said that he wants to limit the phone because he loves me. I don't think so, I know HOW HE CHEATED ON ME and HE ACTED LIKE HE IS ANGLE and HE HAD NERVE TO SAY IM LUCKY BECAUSE HE COMES BACK
I just know how manipulate and narcissist he is. I just don't want to talk about this anymore because there is no point. It just better to response the way how he wants.
The thing He is not matter, I am MATTER.
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