Challenge 5- Your parents

I would describe my parents as religious and have simple life. They are not romantic at all. I have never seen them hold hand or hug each other. They never hug me either.

My mom is 52 years old growing up in the abusive house where her dad always hit the kids with everything. Her dad was mean and rude to his kids as well as being stubborn all the time. Growing up with this personality, she has trauma with men and always wish to find a husband who has control over their emotion. Being a mom, she hardly took care of herself. We grew up poor and my mom needed to work together with my dad. 

My mom always care about my appearance and what my things to do. When I was chubby, she would comment and when I was skinny, she would surprise too. When I was 10th-12nd grade of high school I had problem about my face;acnes. It was so bad like really bad. I felt miserable. I didn't look at mirror because I just feel so ugly. My mom would criticize not give the solution. I think I had this insecurity from my mom where she hardly appreciate me. Well, I am okay with that now as my face is getting better. She loves to cook soup and spicy sambal and I love it. I love her and i feel sad within my age I cant buy them things

My dad is 52 years old. I describe him as just a dad who has never shown love or affection towards his kids. He is a teacher. Growing up, it is awkward to tell everything I can tell my craving for companion is because I dont have a dad figure who loves me. I am acknowledging that I am developing anxious attachment style where I am afraid my partner would leave me and I feel abandoned. Also, the trauma bonding that I have received because I am not confident enough with my self so that if any man approach me I settle for less that is why it is hard for me to leave the toxic relationship.

In conclusion, I don't really close to my parents since I was kid. I just can feel the distance between me and my parents. Even when I was in Taiwan, I never ask for help. I really wish that I can have parents who also can be my best friend

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Today, I feel happy because I could spend time with my boyfriend longer. Things that make me happy is being with him. But I cant keep doing this because I need to find joy in being alone. Being with myself. I really work hard to control my emotion because I am afraid he would leave me. I don't know I just wish I have never loved someone

I read a book it is getting more and more interesting

I draw something cute

I wrote journal

I got my shopee packet. It is beautiful. I cant wait to paint:)

I eat spicy food soto. I love it because the guy was nice giving me sambal

I feed the cat. I dont know what his name. I wish he stayed in my room:) I bought his food I am so happy

I workout 25 minutes. I was sweating a lot

I drink 1L water

I texted my friend 

I called my mom. Short

I did tahajud:)

I prayed 5 times 

I took shower and washed my hair


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