I am tired for fighting aloneI am tired for giving much loveI am tired being the one who begging for loveI am tired of getting treated like I am not worth
March, 27th 2024
I broke no contact for 4 days, In hoping to get at a closure that we have officially broken up by texting him, it ended being not even noticed my texts. I decided to create new emails to contact him via imessagge since March, 20th I get blocked on everything. I contacted him and begged him to stay because I feel so lost with the thought of not having anyone anymore in my life. The urge to fight for the relationship by lowering my dignity was the only option I thought could resolve the problem. No, he refused to respond and gave me silent treatment even I kept trying to call and text him. I am an IDIOT. Until today, he blocked me on everything and I promised to done if these didn't workout. I did stop. I can't cry today, I was crying just because I am tired but I feel so powerful by blocking him on everything. I know maybe tomorrow I am gonna miss him but I believe that I don't have no more energy to continue this cycle. I am really done with everything. He didn't choose me. I have had hard time with him being in my life. Sometimes, it is hard to remove a toxic one. Gently reminder, your love f your life never ever left you not even once. I may not see it now that universe will remove the person since I am feeling lonely and impossible to function.
I need to work on my self-respect little by little by setting up boundaries and say "no" if I don't feel to do it. My true love would not even let me beg and cry and just sit there watching me I am hurting. He knows I am hurting and he chose to not care. Just trust what God's plan. I know I want to make this relationship work so hard all for 4 years being cheated, gaslighted, manipulated, abused. Everything may not be always okay but it is always the best.
Stop romanticizing the delusional image you made in your head. it hurts so bad where it is hurting mentally. The right guy is the guy who wants to be with me. Never leave me no matter what. He is not. i am feeling gray, neither black nor white. I gotta let them go please stop fighting.
Maybe today is not rough day, I could feel like this empty but that is okay I am still healing but way more knowledge since this is second time. Let it hurt. Crying as much as you want
If he moves on, never text me again, can go on and not talk to me he's not the person for me. keep No Contact. I believe myself, control emotion
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